FOR ALL INDIANS: OUR HUMOUR ON THE NET

 ANSWERS CAN BE FUNNY

This was taken from a tourism blog where people could post queries if they were planning on making a trip to India. The answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who demonstrate tolerance and an excellent sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the United States of…oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa; Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? (UK)
A: You’re a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink in India.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only during Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime day and night

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. We have different grades

NOW FOR SOME RUSSIAN JESTS IN GOOD HUMOUR

Just as we have Ajit and Rajnikant jokes, in Russia they have Putin jokes.....

When Putin was late for school, the teacher punished the whole class for being early.

When Putin's phone rings in the theater, they pause the movie.

Doctor: "You have Cancer".
Putin: "Tell it, it has two weeks to live".

When Putin looks in the mirror, there's no reflection because there is only 1 Putin.

When Putin was born, he named his parents.

Russia didn't choose him, he chose Russia.

Putin Arriving at Foreign Country's Airport:
Customs Officer: "Occupation?"
Putin: "No, just visiting."

Putin calls 911 to ask what is their emergency.

Putin built the hospital in which he was born.

Putin never flushes the toilet, he just scares the shit out of it.

When Putin was born, he slapped the doctor for not crying.

When Putin didn't go to school, the school declared it a Holiday.

Stop calling him the Russian James Bond. James Bond is British Vladimir Putin.

When Putin creates an account, the terms and conditions agree with him.

When Putin coughs, Covid wears a mask.