LATINATE RACE

 LATIN CAN BE FUNNY

From Quid Pro Quo to In Flagrante Delicto
cc Non Compos Mentis

One afternoon, all Latin expressions were invited by examinate Ante's lyin brother Post Meridiem to the Tavern to discuss Quid Pro Quo’s phenomenal rise in popularity thanks to impeachment hearings in the United States. Quod Expectata, De Facto, De Jure and Post Mortem strolled in well behind the clock, Sed Sero Solito.

A wave of resentment ran through Inter Alia, Ad Hoc, Pro Bono, Vice Versa, Statim, Ad Interim, Et Cetera, etc., who considered themselves the frontrunners in the Latinism sweepstakes before Quid Pro Quo had sprinted ahead in recent weeks.

“Well, let’s get real,” said Bona Fide, who was always truthful. “Quid Pro Quo is being promoted by no less a person than the U.S. President without Curriculum Vitae, even though Pro Bono is available for free.” Acta Non Verba nodded in agreement. 

Hearing this, Pro Bono, who was selfless and always unquestioningly volunteering herself, asked Prima Facie if this was indeed the case.

“As Ceteris Paribus says, yes,” confirmed Prima Facie. “Although the President likes Ad Hoc, Quid Pro Quo is his current favourite.”

“What about me? I am always bringing up the rear… though I am used so often,” complained Et Cetera to Ex Post Facto. Nota Bene took exception, as did Post Scriptum.

“Dei Gratia, Et Cetera and his comrades Nota Bena and Post Scriptum are made of two words, unlike that useless Addendum,” consoled Alter Ego, looking over his shoulder at his shadow.

“Quid Pro Quo and Exceptio Probat Regulam are made of three words!” pointed out Carpe Diem, groaning, “I should have seized the moment Ilias Latina squared Homer up!"

“Actually, we should have all gone to war!” yelled Casus Belli, who, with Pugnare and Bellecose, was always ready to bare his fangs.

“We would have backed you & Modus Operandi!” shouted twins De Facto and De Jure.

“Hear! Hear!” roared Vox Populi.

Et Cetera was comforted, but he knew he could never become the favourite; he’d always be an afterthought Videlicet, Secundum Cogitationem.

“Well, fair is foul and foul is fair,” explained Vice Versa, an opportunist who flip-flopped often.

“Indeed, I'm sorry about our fate. If you all want so, I'm happy to take the blame,” offered the always-apologetic Mea Culpa.

“Let’s just stay rooted to the ground. Our day will come!” advised Terra Firma, backed by Modus Operandi. Legum Baccalaureus said to Semper Fidelis, “I will follow the qualified, Exempli Gratia te Magister Artium.”

“No, let’s keep on rolling and rolling and…” pressed Ad Infinitum. Sui Generis agreed, sagely.

“The bird walked to the toy store,” said Non Sequitur.

Alma Mater, who was nourishing her children Alumnus and Alumna, watched the agitated Latinisms with Sotto Voce, who was usually quiet and spoke only occasionally in a low voice.

“Too bad everyone thinks the President has flipped for Quid Pro Quo,” she whispered. “No one believes me but I’ve seen him canoodling with that sexy wench In Flagrante Delicto.” 

Suddenly they heard someone chuckling in the shadows. It was Non Compos Mentis, giggling with Alea Iacta Est in the knowledge that she, not In Flagrante Delicto, was the President’s first love. Its most critical condition is that this piece is shared widely, said Sine Qua Non. Post Scriptum solemnly agreed, now that Regina had departed, Requiescat In Pace.